Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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