I need to stop coming to work sober
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
