I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
