perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
