We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize