he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
