How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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