Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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