I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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