I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
