definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
