dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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