In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
