Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
