margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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