don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
