I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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