Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I met the friendliest cop last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
