meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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