i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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