ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
