Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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