fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
