I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
