He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
