why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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