I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
