What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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