so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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