If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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