I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
