Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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