New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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