she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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