Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
