I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
