i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize