And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
