Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
