they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
