Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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