you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
