Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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