she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
