I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
