Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
