You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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