Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
