He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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