My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize