That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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