New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
