Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
