he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
