I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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