your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
