you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
