I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize