my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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