That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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