It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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