How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
