Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
