Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
