forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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