You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
