and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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