I need help removing her.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
