Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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